Image by Mickey Mikolauskas from Pixabay
I am a born sarchotic.
What’s that you ask?
Definition: When you are so sarcastic that people don’t know whether you’re joking or if you’re just psychotic. Contextual synonyms: Caustic, biting, unpredictable, extreme sarcasm, sharp-tongued, scathing.
“That’s not true,” you say.
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” I respond.
Disgruntled you say, “You’re too old for that nonsense besides why make life harder than it need be?”
To which I respond courtesy ole Billie Burke and John Wayne, “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese. Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.”
“Ugh!” You lament. “How will you ever keep any friends?”
“Easy. True bonding happens when your friends and you are all mad about the same thing.”
Becoming a little testy now you retort, “Maybe you were just not properly educated!”
Ah, time to pull old Albert Einstein. “Education is what one does after he has forgotten everything he learned at school. “By the way, it’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has the same good taste.”
Angry now you complain, “You are obviously a flawed individual.”
I sigh and say, “You mean Flawsome: Adj. Individual who is open to their “flaws” and recognizes that they are amazing.”
“I am a very successful man.” You say rolling your eyes.
“True – Success is not something you can hide. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it? “If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.” I respond.
“This has been a simply horrible exchange,” you reply.
“Well, you know what Murphy’s Law says: If anything can go wrong, it will. Besides all the good ones have been taken.”
“Stop treating me as though I were stupid,” you lament.
“Sorry if you thought I was calling you stupid but I thought you knew everything,” I reply.
“This conversation is over,” you say as you walk away.
I call out, “Hey consider Billy Wilder may have been right all along – If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
~Fin~
“I am so clever, sometimes I don’t understand a word of what I’m saying.”– Oscar Wilde.