Motherhood -

Image by Midjourney.com

Motherhood can be hard, and that’s probably why moms are the best at poking fun at life. (Have you seen these hilarious mom moments on TikTok?!) If there’s one thing that’s certain in this world, it’s that moms need a good sense of humor with the mess children put them through. So, dads, step aside—these mom jokes prove who actually holds the title for the funniest parent.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I just play it by mom-ory.
I tried to make a joke about a toddler bed, but then it fell apart.
I told my kids they should’ve been born in a different decade. They asked why. I said, “Because it’s cheaper by the dozen!”
When I asked my mom if she could make me a sandwich, she said, “Poof! You’re a sandwich!”
What do you call a mother cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated.
Helping the kids with homework: Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems.
I told my kids they can be anything they want when they grow up, as long as it’s not taller than me.
Why do parents make terrible detectives? Because we always find the evidence after the crime has been committed.
My kids call it “helicopter parenting,” but I prefer to think of it as “surveillance with love.”
My parenting style can be summed up in one word: improvise!
I told my son I was going to buy him a book on procrastination, but I keep putting it off.
Being a parent means never having a moment to yourself—even in the bathroom.
I told my daughter to stop playing with her food. So she started playing with her plate instead.
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, “Not yet. We’re still waiting for someone to come and claim you.”
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? Well, they woke up.
Mom, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
I used to think I was a morning person, but then I had kids. Now, I’m more of a “give me all the coffee” person.
What did the accountant say while making breakfast for her kids? This whole parenting thing is really taxing.
Never tell a mom you need personal space. You came out of her personal space!
Mom’s recipe for iced coffee: 1. Have kids. 2. Make coffee. 3. Forget you made coffee. 4. Drink it cold.
What’s it like to have the best daughter in the world? You’ll have to ask grandma!
Some graduate with honors, I am just honored my kids graduated.
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way someone is excited to see you!
Good moms let you lick the beaters after making brownies, great moms turn them off first.
My kid told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.
When I had my first I was addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
I like telling mom jokes. Sometimes, she laughs!
Why do moms switch to drinks that are bitter and sweet once they have kids? They’ve been served a cold glass of reali-tea.
When does a joke become a mom joke? When it becomes apparent.
Why do parents always say, “Because I said so?” “Because science” isn’t always a good enough explanation.
Why pay a therapist when you have me?
I’m my kids’ favorite person to overthink things with.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I’m going on ahead.
It’s spicy: universal mom code for “I don’t want to share.”
The only thing that rivals birthing children is waking them up the day after break ends!
Here’s one way to teach the kids about irony: scream, “STOP SCREAMING.”
When your mom asks if you want some advice, remember it is a rhetorical question.
All we can really do as parents is try our best and set aside enough money for therapy.
There are no rules in this house… besides never ask me for anything before I’ve had my coffee.
According to my kids, dogs are boys and cats are girls, but moms, only moms are bears.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
Honey, stop looking for the perfect match… use a lighter.
What did the drummer call her two daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
Why do moms feel the need to tell such bad jokes? We just want to help you become a groan up.
It’s not easy being a mom. If it were, Dad would do it!
You understand on a deep level why Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold.
Are my kids perfect? No, but we can blame dad for that one!
My kids: 3 out of 5 stars, could have been a bit quieter.
How old are you again? I’ve lost track at this point.
I smile because I’m your mother, but I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it!
We have the perfect mother-daughter relationship. You’re my daughter, and I’m perfect!
Being a mom is hard. You have to raise kids and a full-grown man!
Of all the evil stepmoms, aren’t you glad you got me?
I always have a take on everything. My husband calls my explanations momsplaining.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale but in reverse. You begin in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after people.
Some days you question your parenting. Other days, you have to question your child’s childing.
Mother: (n.) One person who does the work of 20 for free.
How many moms does it take to get you to clean your room? One, but it takes 18 years!
Son: “Mom, can I get $20?” Mom: “Does it look like I’m made of money?” Son: “Well, isn’t that what M.O.M stands for?”
What does the mom diet consist of? All of the foods her kids can’t finish.
Cleaning with children in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
Life of a mom: It takes 35 minutes to put shoes on your toddler, but they can open three apps, delete iTunes, and call your boss in 17 seconds.
If I ever go missing, just follow my kids. They can find me wherever I try to hide!
First child eats dirt, mom calls the doctor. Second child eats dirt, mom cleans out their mouth. Third child eats dirt, mom wonders if she still needs to make lunch.
I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7Up.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
If being a parent were a job, I’d be the CEO of chaos management.
I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing!
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.
I tried to teach my kids about taxes, but they just responded with, “That sounds like a you problem.”
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
How do you weigh a millennial? In Instagrams.
I’ve learned that parenting is a lot like playing Whac-A-Mole. Just when you think you’ve got one problem solved, another one pops up.
I love all my children equally. Except for the one that sleeps… I love that one more.
Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers!
I used to be a vegetarian, but then I had too much beef with the other moms.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why do some couples go to the gym together? Because they want their relationship to work out.
Mom: Master of multitasking, maker of memories, manager of money, maker of meals, made of magic.
Home is where your mom is.
You’re welcome for the fabulous DNA.
You’re welcome for the womb and board.
My greatest failure: never being able to teach you how to fold a fitted sheet.
I never expected to miss having you in the house so much!
I love you loads… like the loads of laundry you probably have waiting for me.
I’ll say you’re my favorite if you give me a massage!
I’m a woman like no m-other.
How do I always find your missing phone? I have an amazing mom-ory.
Never make fun of me for how I use my phone, if I taught you how to use a spoon.
Why is a computer so smart? Because it listens to its motherboard.
Why is Mother’s Day before Father’s Day? So kids can spend their Christmas money on mom.
I hate when I’m waiting for mom to cook dinner and then I remember I am the mom, and I have to cook dinner.
Nothing is really lost until mom can’t find it.
At my age, I’m no longer a snack; I’m a Happy Meal. I come with toys and kids.
It’s Mother’s Day. Take a mom-ent to celebrate how awesome I am!