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How To Become Invisible (And Laugh A Lot!)

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No one can ever see me,

Even those who claim they can.

Although, I'm right in front of you, 

I am an invisible man.

No one can never hear me,

Even when I shout.

Though, it does not make much of a difference,

Nobody cares what I'm talking about.

When I look into the mirror,

Do you know what I see?

I see a big blog of nothingness,

And that nothingness is me.

So why am I even writing this down?

No one gives a damn.

I'm sick of lying to myself,

I am an invisible man.

By Anthony C.

It is not known who exactly was the first person to become invisible, but certainly it reaches far back into the mists of time, possibly all the way to Adam and Eve when they used the power of becoming invisible to hide from God.

"Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God..." Genesis 3:8

… possibly a trick they learned from that notorious denizen of the ground, the Serpent.

At any event, everyone from Harry Potter to Houdini, David Blaine and David Copperfield have mastered this art and it is possible that you too can master this mysterious, and magical trick.

Certainly the biggest misconception concerning invisibility is the fact that you do not appear invisible to yourself--only other people. This probably comes as a shock to most of you, who have H.G. Well's The Invisible Man, and others, but the hard truth is that when you are invisible there is no way to tell except in the reactions of other people. You will never be invisible to your pets--you dog may see you as a shadow but he can still see that much, and your cat can see you just a sharply as when you are not transparent, so don't try to fool Mr. Whiskers.

You can look in a mirror--go ahead--you won't be see-through. You can look at a photo of yourself you take with your webcam, you can be caught by a CCTV monitor (so don't think of committing some crime while being watched by one) and you can be seen by insurance salesman, so don't think this will get you out of buying a lifetime policy to insure yourself against sudden while watching a puppet show. It won't.

But other people? Yes, they will look right through you as if you weren't there.

In your pursuit of becoming invisible you must first be made aware of the side-effects that may accrue to your new metaphysical status. There is only one:

  • dry mouth

Directions:

     1. Stand upright, legs spread apart, arms akimbo, and eyes closed. 

      2. Visualize 'Fermat's Last Theorem'. Don't worry, you don't have to solve it, just visualize it.

Fermat's Last Theorem states that xn + yn = zn has no non-zero integer solutions for x, y and z when n > 2. 
Fermat wrote. “I have discovered a truly remarkable proof which this margin is too small to contain."

        3. Repeat a mantra. If you don't know one, sing the words to 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame' in Croatian. Remember: proper pronunciation is paramount.

Testing is essential, of course, otherwise you won't know if you have achieved your desire to become transparent.

Fortunately this is fairly simple. Just go downstairs (if you became invisible in your upstairs bedroom for example) and ask your Mother, Father, Wife, Sister, Brother or visiting Relative (who is still there after all these weeks and shows no signs of going back home,) "am I invisible?"

Don't be shy. Just blurt it out.

If they answer 'NO of course not' then you can be sure you ARE.

Why? The human mind is a complex organ and one which does not like to admit to itself impossibilities ,paradoxes, contradictions and other events which do not fit into its closed, secure ,predictable world-view. This is natural. And so, what it cannot believe, it denies TO ITSELF. In other words, while your  Mother may very well know she cannot see you and that you are invisible, her  brain, clever thing that it is, will construct a hyperspatial model of you, made up of her most recent memories of you, and use these to fill-in the missing sensory clues that her mind is not able to perceive. Again, the person who says you are not invisible is actually asserting you ARE invisible because they cannot admit to themselves the possibility that you could be invisible--that way lies madness --as the philosopher's say.

So be assured, you are now invisible, provided you followed to the letter my directions above.

Being invisible is awesome and has a number of handy uses, just a few of which I will list here from my personal experiences of becoming invisible:

  • Save money on buying clothes. When you are invisible you don't need any!
  • Go to a rock concert and sit up on stage--but pick a place where Lady Gaga won't accidentally slap you with a a piece of her meat-dress as she pirouettes.
  • The next time President Obama gives a press conference, make his tie rise up slowly over his head. Every time he pulls it back down, do it again.
  • go to the U.S. Tennis Open and every time Federer tosses his ball into the air to serve, smack it into the audience.

Some Drawbacks of Becoming Invisible

  • it’s difficult if not impossible to turn a door handle. Your hand will simply go right through it. In such a case you can just walk right through the door.
  • tendency to slowly sink into the floor depending on which shoes you are wearing. Myself, I never become invisible without wearing sneakers.

The last time I became invisible I changed some of the headlines in the New York Times on July 1,2011. Some of the things you read on that day never really happened. But I'm not telling.

Then I went down to a Starbucks and changed all their prices to 'Coffee-All Flavours- One Cent'.

That was fun.

I wonder what I'll do next time.

By Woody Marx

http://woodymarx.hubpages.com/video/How-to-Become-Invisible

Another Technique:

by Erik Dege  http://invisibility100.tripod.com/

  • Sit somewhere you can feel relaxed
  • Close your eyes
  • Imagine what it might feel like to be invisible
  • Picture yourself living out your invisible fantasies
  • After about five minutes of this, concentrate on one part of your body - a fingertip is a good choice - and will it to become invisible. See it in your mind's eye as it slowly becomes transparent, revealing what is behind it.
  • Once it is invisible in your mind, hold that thought for as long as possible. You may find your mind begins to wander. If it does, don't worry, relax. Wait a while, and try again.
  • To begin with you may only be able to hold that thought for a few seconds, or perhaps a minute at most. Keep practising. You'll need to be able to hold that thought uppermost in your mind for at least FIVE minutes before continuing on to stage 2. Distractions are, unfortunately, inevitable, but with enough practise, you'll find you are able to ignore them.
  • Keep repeating this exercise for at least three weeks. If you still haven't reached five minutes, stick with it - it will happen. Some people have taken two or more months to achieve this, but everyone who has stuck with it has made it to five minutes.
  • The best way to time yourself is to glance at a clock before you begin to concentrate. When your mind begins to wander - however slight it may be - open your eyes again and check the clock. You may be surprised how long you kept that thought going. 

 Now that you have the ability to hold a thought about having a part of your body transparent, it's time to move on to stage 2.

  • Before beginning this exercise, make sure you have eaten nothing for at least one hour, and drunk nothing but water in the same time period.
  • Put yourself in the same relaxing situation you used for stage 1.
  • Starting with the tips of your toes, and working slowly up the entire length of your body, imagine yourself becoming transparent.
  • While you do this, repeat the word "invisible" in your head.
  • If you do this correctly, you should take about five minutes to reach the top of your head. By now you'll be subconsciously aware of how long it takes for five minutes to pass, and you'll be surprised at how accurate you can be. In total, you'll think of the word "invisible" about 60 times during those five minutes.
  • Repeat this exercise 12 times, and try to do it every day for at least two weeks - a month works well in my experience. Yes, it's a full hour each day, which may seem a lot, but dedication is one thing you'll need if you're to achieve what most people can only dream about. And if you can't manage this stage, you'll really struggle later.
  • Be aware that if anything distracts you from the exercise that you'll need to start over again - a full hour is required, no less. So make sure you unplug the phone and perhaps put on some relaxing music - anything that will help you keep your mind on what you're doing, not on the things around you. If you do choose to have music on, make sure it's something you're familiar with - anything new or unusual will easily catch your attention. 

AND THIS!!!

By Sindya N. Bhanoo

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/science/becoming-invisible-at-least-to-microwaves.html?_r=0

Using an off-the-shelf 3-D printer, nearly anyone can make an “invisibility cloak” to make objects disappear, researchers report. But if you’re thinking about using one for snooping, Harry Potter style, you should know it works only for microwave radiation, which humans can’t see anyway.  

 In the future, however, it may be possible to develop technology that works for higher wavelengths, including visible light, said Yaroslav A. Urzhumov, an electrical engineer at Duke University who worked on the microwave version. Also imagined are products that humans could wear — “something like a helmet or an astronaut suit that makes you invisible to microwaves is on the horizon,” Dr. Urzhumov said.

Dr. Urzhumov and his colleagues reported their findings in Optic Letters . They developed a cloak seven years ago, but now use a 3-D printer to make one that is less expensive. The polymer-based structure looks like a Frisbee made of Swiss cheese. Objects to hide are placed in the disc.

“With respect to microwave wavelengths, this cloak cylinder makes objects invisible from any point of view,” Dr. Urzhumov said.

Many electronic devices do see microwaves, so the technology could have a practical application. “Whenever it is absolutely crucial to have a clear view of the sky, but there are some buildings or structures that cast a shadow,” Dr. Urzhumov said, “you could coat those structures.”      

WHAT????

You cannot be invisible. There is no technology that exists yet to allow you to be invisible. However, scientists are developing a material that bends light around you. It is called a metamaterial. This controls light with a physical design, rather than a molecular structure. They haven't made something invisible from visible light yet, but it might be a possibility in the future. For now, the best we can get is to bend microwaves around a small object.

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