Creepy -

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The term ‘creepy’ doesn’t simply describe social awkwardness, nor is it solely about a person’s appearance or behavior. Instead, it reflects how they make others feel. When someone undermines trust, safety, or autonomy, they can come across as both socially and sexually threatening, leaving those around them feeling uneasy and intimidated.

When someone or something is creepy, the unease begins as the feeling of being uncomfortable, and when the sensation of creepiness intensifies, you may get goosebumps or that crawling feeling under your skin.

When you’re creeped out, you may internally or outwardly shudder because something isn’t right; in fact, it’s vaguely threatening, even if the person or situation isn’t overtly dangerous. You’re not sure why you’re getting the heebie-jeebies, but your anxiety levels are rising, and you feel nervous.

One study titled “On the nature of creepiness,” from Knox College in Illinois, which was published in the journal New Ideas in Psychology, discovered some traits that are overwhelmingly associated as creepy, and that our creepiness detector may actually be a defense against some sort of threat. Authors of the study, Francis McAndrew and Sara Koehnke, interviewed 1,342 people (1,029 females and 312 males) of all ages using an online survey to determine what makes someone creepy.

Interestingly, almost all (95.3 percent) of the participants stated that men were more likely to be creepy than women. Participants rated the following as the most likely characteristics of a creepy person:
1. The person stood too close to your friend.
2. The person had greasy hair.
3. The person had a peculiar smile.
4. The person had bulging eyes.
5. The person had long fingers.
6. The person had unkempt hair.
7. The person had very pale skin.
8. The person had bags under his or her eyes.
9. The person was dressed oddly.
10. The person licked his or her lips frequently.
11. The person was wearing dirty clothes.
12. The person laughed at unpredictable times.
13. The person made it nearly impossible for your friend to leave the conversation without appearing rude.
14. The person relentlessly steered the conversation towards one topic.

McAndrew, Ph.D. told Psychology Today, “Creepiness is anxiety aroused by the ambiguity of whether there is something to fear or not, and/or by the ambiguity of the precise nature of the threat (e.g., sexual, physical violence, contamination) that might be present. Thus, it is only when we are confronted with uncertainty about [the] threat that we get creeped out, and such uncertainty results in paralysis as to how to respond.”

In the first part of the survey, participants were asked to imagine that a close friend said they had just met a creepy person.

The participants were then asked to rate the likelihood that the creepy person would show 44 different patterns of behavior (such as avoiding eye contact) and physical characteristics (greasy hair) on a scale of one (very unlikely) to five (very likely).

In the second half of the study, the participants were asked to rate the creepiness of 21 different occupations on a scale of one (not so creepy) to five (extremely creepy). The participants were asked to list two hobbies they thought were creepy.

Finally, the participants were asked to indicate how much they agreed with 15 statements about creepy people, such as, “I think that the person has a sexual interest in me.”

After the conclusion of the survey, researchers determined the key traits of creepy people and what makes them so off-putting to others.

Red Flags to Look Out For

1. Disregard for Basic Social Norms and Inability to Read the Room

They don’t respect your personal space: They invade your space by failing to maintain an appropriate distance and moving closer even when you step away. They touch you without permission, ignoring clear cues of discomfort, such as pulling your hand away.

They struggle with appropriate eye contact: They either gaze into your eyes intensely or look away when you look at them and stare at you when you are looking away, creating a sense of unease. Their gaze or mannerisms may feel unsettling, even predatory, leaving you uncomfortable or on edge.

They are unable to follow basic conversational rules: They are unable to take turns in conversation and tend to interrupt frequently, not giving space to anyone else’s opinions and dominating conversations. Their tone of voice is off, either speaking too loudly or too softly. They make frequent, inappropriate jokes, or bizarre, passive-aggressive comments.

They make you feel like they are deliberately trying to make you uncomfortable: They don’t respond to your cues of discomfort and disregard your attempts to change the topic, insisting on steering the conversation back to their own agenda. They give overly exaggerated compliments, putting you on the spot and disregarding or simply not caring how their comments land on you. They exploit basic social niceties, taking advantage of politeness or courtesy in a way that feels manipulative or insincere.

2. Odd Behaviors

Their presentation gives off an unsettling vibe: They neglect basic hygiene, such as having dirty nails or noticeable body odor. They wear inappropriate or provocative clothing, such as showing up shirtless to a bar, or their clothing choices don’t align with the context or weather, like wearing a bathing suit and flip-flops in February.

They lack social skills: They appear unusually isolated, with no significant social circle or family. They appear socially awkward and lack basic personal skills such as being overly friendly or rude to service staff or others in the community. People who are unable to respect boundaries may bring up taboo subjects and use provocative language. Their behavior may seem as though they take pleasure in making you uncomfortable. At times they give the impression that if they can’t get positive attention, they’ll settle for negative attention – even rejection – by deliberately pushing your boundaries.

They overshare and give too much information: They dump intimate details about their life without considering whether you are ready or willing to listen and share unnecessary details or make bizarre, off-putting comments. They ask invasive, intimate questions and lack empathy when you set boundaries. By oversharing, they create an artificial sense of closeness that feels forced and unwelcome. They give you their emotional burden and put you in a position where you have to soothe and take care of them.

Inability to respect your “No”: They persist in pursuing you romantically, even after you’ve clearly declined their advances. By not respecting your physical or emotional boundaries, they may give off a stalkerish vibe. They act entitled to your time, showing up unannounced or calling at inappropriate times.

They get upset when you don’t respond to their texts: They make you feel like you are overreacting when you set limits and may manipulate you into apologizing, even when your boundaries were violated. When you express discomfort they may trivialize your emotions or use humor to get away with inappropriate comments. They blame you for misunderstanding them and make you feel as though they are testing your tolerance. When you try to distance yourself they begin to emanate a controlling, manipulative, or threatening aura or demeanor.

How to Set Boundaries

Rather than disregarding your gut instincts or feeling embarrassed about judging someone, honoring the red flags and trusting your intuition can help you protect your physical and mental well-being and remove yourself from potentially harmful situations.

Set clear boundaries by telling them “Can you please step back?” or “That question makes me feel uncomfortable.” A decent person will respect your boundaries and apologize. If they argue with you or trivialize your reaction, remove yourself from the situation if possible and decline invitations for future get-togethers. If necessary, adjust your social media settings or block the person. Surround yourself with loved ones who support you, validate your feelings and respect your boundaries.

If the behavior feels stalkerish or threatening, consider taking legal action or seeking professional help. A therapist can help you process your emotions, help you set boundaries, and improve your confidence in handling difficult social situations.

Remember, prioritizing your safety and emotional well-being is essential.