Social Vampire

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SOCIAL VAMPIRE: A person that goes around and 'attaches' themself to a person and piles on the affection and attention until they feel satisfied that the person really likes them in return. Once that happens, the person inexplicably moves on to the next 'target' nearly instantly and begin sthe cycle  all over, leaving the last 'victim' confused and maybe a little hurt. These people feel like they're not popular  enough and/or need more attention and this social vampirism  is their defensive mechanism. - https://www.urbandictionary.com

Acording to Andrew May, human performance strategist and leadership coach (https://www.strivestronger.com ) :

"They are the people who will talk pretty much non-stop about themselves, they stay about two hours past their welcome, if the attention is on someone else, they pivot it back to number one. They are always in the middle of some sort of drama and they lack the self-awareness that they are doing any let alone all of these things.

There are also other signs to look out for to spot a social vampire.

  1. Everything is negative or problem focused.
  2. They are passive aggressive
  3. They can attack others – either explicitly or covertly (including complaining about others behind their back)
  4. They are quick to judge you and others around them
  5. They don’t have a balance between listening and talking, they just talk
  6. They are very opinionated
  7. They are never happy, even when they get what they want."

Signs you are being affected:

  1. You feel crabby or irritated after being with them.
  2. You feel like your self-esteem has received a kick in the pants.
  3. You feel emotionally and/or physically drained usually just after a few hours.
  4. You start to feel that you no longer want to socialize
  5. Your thinking is muddled and you are having trouble connecting with your own standards.
  6. You feel abandoned socially because some of your friends or associates are flocking to this person.
So how does one tell this dastardly person they are simply not welcome? If we think of the old vampire movies, the issue with a vampire was never to invite them in because they work the allure factor the whole time they are trying to suck you in. So rule #1?
 
Strongly communicate your boundaries. Actually this rule is important in ANY relationship. Most people fail at this because they feel they will upset the other person. It is far more important to protect oneself and it rarely has a bad effect on the other person. If it does, hit the floor running.
 
If you have already become ensnared because you failed to set boudaries -
 
Redifine controllership. If you have honestly assessed this person still has some worth to know - take the reins. In some cases, the vampire is unaware of how their behavior is affecting others so it does not fall into the category of mailicious intent. Simply tell them the game of making you feel like crap is over and you might be willing to give it another go if they can curb their bloodlust. It will become evident rather quickly if they are willing to go along but I can tell you that a large perecentage of the time they will bail. They can't help themselves. No vampire can.
 
Awareness and toxin removal. Yes, it's time. Time to clean house of all toxic people from your life as well as the vampire. This is a strong reassessment of Selfdom and even though it may hurt a tad, Trust me you'll be better for it. Never look at it as a loss but the opening of the door to new people and new potentials for happiness. Do keep your vampire stake handy though - you never know when you;ll run into another denizen of the dark.
 
 
 
 
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